You found out your partner is having an affair.

Affair
Recovery

Your partner has been unfaithful, so you’re not sure if you can ever trust them again.

You’re not sure if you even want to repair your marriage so you find yourself contemplating a divorce.

Finding out that your spouse has been having an affair can be devastating. It feels like your whole world is falling apart. The pain is unbearable and you’re tired of the lies and excuses. You might be feeling anxious, depressed, and confused. How did this happen? Not knowing where to turn or what you should do is painful and feels overwhelming, and you wonder how you can go on. You question everyhting you thought you ever knew about your spouse. And, you don’t know what to believe or trust anymore. Knowing that you need help but not sure what kind of help is right.

Signs that Your Spouse May Be Cheating

While everyone wants to trust and believe their partner, there are telltale signs that your spouse may be having an affair. These signs include:

  • secretive phone or computer usage
  • your spouse refuses to share account passwords
  • significant changes in appearance
  • unable to reach your spouse for significant periods of time
  • changes in your sexual relationship: having less sex because your spouse is focused on another person or increased sex due to trying to cover up an affair
  • your spouse becomes hostile
  • your friends seem to be uncomfortable around you
  • sudden changes in your spouse’s work schedule
  • unexplained charges on credit cards
  • they seem distant and unaffectionate
  • avoidance or deflection of the topic

Counselling Can Help with Affair Recovery | Singapore

Trying to navigate through the pain of infidelity is like swimming underwater in the dark. You want so badly to breathe, and you’re not sure where you are going, or whether you are moving forward or drowning. But, there is hope for you and your spouse after an affair. I have helped many couples with infidelity issues save their marriages and strengthen and improve their relationships. Healing from infidelity and betrayal takes time. However, it is possible if both of you are committed to mending your broken bond. You have to be willing to recommit to each other. I hear you and understand your pain. But, you can get through it, and I can help you take the steps needed toward recovery.

It is possible to rebuild your trust and relationship after an affair.

This may be difficult to believe right now. We understand how painful it can be. After, it can feel like the foundation under your feet has suddenly and devastatingly shifted. Now, you don’t know what to do next. How to recover from this. Or, where to turn to for support. Is affair recovery even possible? You might feel lost, confused, alone, hurt, sad… any number of things. Or you might be too numb and shocked to even know how you feel. We understand. Therapy can help you to reconnect with yourself and each other. Maybe, find a way forward out of the mess and into the future.

We can hold the hope for you and your relationship until you are ready and able to hold it for yourself again.

Betrayals of trust are one of the most common reasons people come to a relationship therapy. Whether this is in the form of an affair or infidelity or some other trust breach, it is a blow to the relationship and the sense of self of the people in the relationship. Therapy can help you to feel solid in yourself again and can help you rebuild the relationship if that is what feels best for you. We will walk with you on your journey back to knowing and trusting yourself, and each other. Then, we will help you to process the pain and hurt and rebuild your foundation. We will offer the support, validation, and safety for you to walk through the pain and come out the other side.

The Recovery Process

Recovery must begin with an absolute ending to the affair. All ties must be cut before the work can begin. Should the affair continue behind the scenes, in my experience, the relationship is very unlikely to succeed.

The second step to recovery is for the deceiver to ba able to move past defensiveness and guilt so they make talk openly and transparently about what happened. This is a time when the “guilty” party will have to be humble, acknowledge their wrong-doings, and answer their pertner’s questions.

Next, there must be a shared understanding of what led to the affair in the first place. Were there issues in the marriage that led to the affair? If so, these will need to be tackled.

In order for the deceived spouse or partner to be able to begin healing, they will need to feel genuine compassion from their partner for having caused them pain. There is typically a knee-jerk reaction to not want to accept the cheater’s apologies or compassion. This can be seen as a way to “get back.” But understand that doing so only holds you back from healing.

The person that was deceived will also need to explore all of their feelings surrounding the betrayal. Usually shock, rage, fear, sadness, and distrust are the main emotions a person will need to work through.

At a certain point, you both will beed to decide whether you will stay together. If you choose to, you will need to work on rebuilding trust.

As you can see, the process of recovery is a complex one and will require that you work with a marriage counsellor to help you navigate the strong emotions involved. But, through commitment and work, many couples can stay together and even have a stronger bond than they did before.